What do I have in common with the new ‘Schitbag’?
Before I get to the actual and kind of embarrassing handbag that this post is about I’d like to share an anecdote from my past. Back in the day I was a band nerd. During the marching season I was in the color guard (captain for two years, thank you very much) and during the concert season I played the clarinet. When you play a concert instrument there is this thing called solo and ensemble competition, perhaps you’ve heard of it. Well, I’ve always thought I had a fairly under-the-radar last name. Schmitz. It’s neither common nor embarrassing, although it does tend to get mispronounced fairly often. So in the eighth grade I was practicing my rockin’ clarinet solo for solo and ensemble competition. When it came time to show off all of my hard work I went to the check in table. The boys working the table were snickering about something. I walked up, pointed to my name on the list, and they tried to hide their laughing, but the poor things couldn’t. Apparently my name, ‘Schmitz’, was not on the list, but my name minus one letter was. You’re thinking right. ‘Schmitz’ might not have been on their list, but ‘Schitz’ sure was. They asked me how I pronounced my last name, really hoping it was pronounced the way they were imagining. I had lots of fun crushing their little eighth grade crude joke thoughts.
So now that you know what I have in common with the new Schitbag, what is a schitbag? Apparently it’s a fanny pack with a shoulder strap. Um, what? As reported by the New York Mag Cut blog, the press release for this new … catastrophe (?) of a handbag is calling it “The new status purse.” I guess all we really know about this bag is that they must not have used focus groups. I’m pretty sure if they had, this bag would 1) not exist in it’s current form and 2) have a different name.